Akuma no Recap
by NinjaGogeta
Summary: A 100% accurate recap of the Akuma no Riddle anime. Ok, maybe not 100%, but it's close enough. Sort of.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a recap of the first episode of Akuma no Riddle. I've not seen the episode for a couple of weeks, so it's pretty much all from memory. I briefly checked the wiki page, but that was even worse than this. Enjoy, or don't, whatever. I don't rule your life.**

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"YOU'RE ALL WORTHLESS MAGGOTS!" A woman with brown hair in a ponytail and glasses yelled into a megaphone. "YOU'RE ALL SHIT ASSASSINS!" As she said this, a girl with short blue hair was being majestic as fuck. She ran really fast, easily leapt over the climbing wall, and decked the woman with the megaphone in the face as she ran past her. She then stopped, rolled, and through a knife at a target, getting a bullseye, and then repeated the action as she stood up. After taking a second to look at what she did, she ran off again.

She continued to be majestic as fuck.

"AZUMA TOKAKU IS THE KING OF FIGHTERS!"

Later, the girl named Tokaku was standing in front of her headmaster/teacher, Kaiba. Though not Seto Kaiba. If he was in Yu-Gi-Oh, though, he'd play Dungeon Dice Monsters.

"Hey, Tokaku, I've got a job for you."

"Kay."

"I picked you cus you're a worthless sack of shit."

"…"

"Anyway, you're going to Myojou Academy where you'll be in a class with 11 other assassins. There's also a 13th girl, she's ya target. Have fun. Now get out of my office."

Later Tokaku had a shower, and when she got out she saw she had a text from Kaiba. Looking at it, she saw it was a riddle. As soon as she looked at it, she got a text.

"Yo, got my text?"

"Yes…You're a fucking idiot."

"Yolo." She hung up.

Soon, Tokaku found herself at Myojou Academy, making her way to the classroom for the Black Class. Inside she heard someone saying the names of the people in the class out loud. When she looked through the door, a chorus of angels shone down on the only person in the room. Tokaku stared at her, until the girl noticed her.

"Hello!" She said. Tokaku stared, until she nearly stabbed a dude in the face for being behind her.

"Woah!" Said the sensei for Class Black. Shortly after, a few more students came in and sat down. "Ok girls, let's do some introductions! My name is Mizorogi-sensei and I'm going to be your oblivious moron for this series. Student number 1, please introduce yourself." Tokaku stood up.

"Azuma Tokaku. Don't call Tokaku, call me Tokaku-san."

"She say Azuma?"

"Shit yeah, she did."

"Dayum."

"Number 2 please." A pink haired girl with massive tits stood up.

"Isuke-sama's name is Inukai Isuke. You're all scum."

"Old men are gross." Said a blonde piece of trash next to her.

"Wanna die bitch?"

"Scawy~ My name is Hashiri Nio-suu." She smiled like a cat.

"Number 12?" A tiny female version of Kakashi sat huddled in her seat. "Banba Mahiru?"

"Shinya isn't in right now, please leave a message after the beep." There was no beep.

"Me next!" the girl from earlier, known as Ichinose Haru said as she stood up and riffled through her bag. "Um, I made some things, I hope we can be friends and not try and kill each other kay thanks." She handed them out.

"Er, thanks…" Nio said.

"Ew it smells like poor people." Isuke sneered.

"Ohmygodyes." Mahiru held it like it was holy…

Tokaku looked at it with as much enthusiasm that she looked at anything. "I don't want it." She kept it.

"By the way, Azuma, you're dorm leader."

"Wait what?"

Later, Tokaku stared out of a window.

"Watcha thinking about?" Nio asked.

"Hn."

"Wanna team up? I'll be your minion. It's what I'm good at."

"You figured out who we need to kill?"

"Well it ain't us. It's Ichinose."

"I figured. She didn't stink like everyone else."

"I'll have you know I have a shower every day. It's a good chance to play Flappy Bird. Anyway, what's up with this thing?" She held up the phone strap Haru gave everyone. "It's probably bugged or summit. It's shit anyway." She threw it out the window. With superhuman reflexes Tokaku stuck her arms out of the window and caught it.

"I can have it right?"

"You can have Isuke-sama's too!" Tokaku caught another one that flew at her head. They turned to look at Isuke. "Isuke-sama's phone is nowhere near poor enough to put that thing on it."

Later, as Tokaku was walking to her dorm room, Haru caught up to her. They chatted, whatever. When they reached the dorms, Nio was there.

"Hi Haru, Tokaku!"

"Hello Nio!" Haru replied cheerfully.

"What the fuck did I say about calling me Tokaku you smelly bitch?" Tokaku gave Nio a killer smile.

"Who cares?"

"Tokaku-san! How about that instead?"

"…fine whatever."

"Who the fuck are you?" Isuke asked when she saw someone in her dorm room.

"Yo, mah namsh Sajay Harushi." The girl said around a stick of pocky. "Got any nail polish?"

"Call Isuke-sama Isuke-sama."

"Ok Isuke-sama, got any nail polish."

"Isuke-sama uses gel because she isn't poor." Suddenly, Haruki grabbed her hand.

"Shit these are good nails."

"Get your filthy poor hands off Isuke-sama."

"Isn't Isuke a boy's name? That's weird"

"No it's cool. You're poor, you wouldn't understand."

"Can I have this bed? Oops I took it already."

"Whatever, I don't care." Tokaku told her. Suddenly, she spied some scars on Haru's thighs.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Ok." She flipped Haru's skirt up. "SHOW ME BITCH!"

"That was mean!"

Later.

"Want help with your rounds, Tokaku-san?" Haru asked.

"No." She went anyway. "What the fuck happened?" Haru knocked on the first door.

"Hello?"

"I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECKING BAAALLL!" The door smashed Haru in the face. Haruki grinned, before blinking and looking down. "Eh? You kay?"

"Ouch, yeah, I'm fine." Haruki bent to help her up. Tokaku narrowed her eyes.

"So you're right handed?"

"Or maybe I'm left, or both, or neither? Want some pocky-knock offs?"

"No."

"OPEN UP!" She threw some pocky-but-not-really at Tokaku like a ninja, who blocked them with her roster, again like a ninja.

"I said no dumbass."

"Don't throw food!"

"Sorry sorry."

Later, at night, Tokaku was looking at a text from Kaiba.

"The world is full of what?" She sat up. "Oi, Ichinose."

"Hmm?"

"Do you know the answer to this?"

"Umm, if it was my choice I'd say forgiveness."

"That's stupid, you're stupid." She rolled over and threw the covers over herself.

In his office, Kaiba looked at his phone when he got a text from Tokaku.

"Oh, that worthless sack of shit came up with this? Who told you that huh?"

Cue epic guitars.

"You can call me Dice-guy, Dice-bastard, or Duke Devlin. I'm used to nicknames."

End.

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 **Tadah, a perfect recap of episode one of Akuma no Riddle. Word for word, practically.**

 **If you'd like to see more give me a review and maybe I'll consider it when I'm bored.**


	2. Chapter 2

This story and any work on it is officially cancelled.

I'm sure you've all likely assumed this by now, but I felt that it needed to be put out there.

There are zero plans on ever continuing, rewriting, or editing this story at all. Ever.

Thanks for the time you spent reading this story, and sorry if you liked it.

Laters.


End file.
